On loosing my artistic self when I became a mum

Becoming a mum changes everything. That's obvious. But I never expected it to affect my (lack of) art as much as it has.

When I was pregnant I read blogs of artists who became mothers and didn't miss a heartbeat. They kept on making art! It gave me hope- I thought 'If they can do it then so will I.' Then Aria was born and I tried the tricks I had read about. Drawing in bed while feeding (I wasn't sure when my third arm was going to appear so I gave up on this one), painting/drawing while bubs has a nap (the exact same time I'm supposed to keep on top of the washing, cleaning, eat something, tidying etc). Eventually when Aria started to go to bed regularly at 8pm I would have the evening free but by that time I didn't want to do anything. I'm exhausted. 

So I've been feeling guilty. If they can do it, why can't I right? 

Because I'm not them. I'm not the sort of person who can juggle all of that. I need to rest. I want to spend the time Aria is awake playing with her. My priorities are different. That's not to say theirs isn't their children because of course it is. And believe me, I'm so jealous of them. But I can't do the juggling so I have to pick one of the two. And my brain is too scattered to even think of what I want to draw or paint.

So while I mulled over my thoughts above, I had another realisation. The inspiration and motivation to create anything is actually gone. I'm guessing partly from being tired and adjusting to a new way of life. So instead of making art, each day I now look through old photos I've taken, research other artists, collect tutorials, re-read online classes and make notes of things I come across that I like. Colour palettes, patterns, shapes, subject matter etc. One day soon that spark I used to have about art will re-ignite and I'll be back.

Until then I vow to love who I've become, instead of feeling guilty. I will do what I can when I feel like I can. Sometimes I will need to force myself to do something, other times I won't.

Whatever happens though, it's ok. I don't have to be super mum. I don't have to be able to do everything flawlessly. Or at all. The most important thing to me now is being there for my daughter and watching her grow into an amazing person.

12 weeks old and already giving me attitude hehe <3

Rhiannon xx

Aria is 8 weeks old!

My little raspberry* just gets cuter and cuter by the day. She is starting to show her personality (I think we have a daddy's girl) and every day we get smiles and heart-warming noises. She is becoming more aware of the world around her and I have to remind myself to savour every moment because she is growing up so fast.

She is sleeping two 4-6 hour stretches each night so I'm not particularly sleep deprived (I know, I'm one of the lucky ones), but I'm also prepared for that to change at any minute. She is so long now that we have had to move her into a portacot (since I wasn't ready for her to go into her own room yet.) Means we can keep her with us for a few more months which is more for my benefit than hers hehe.

I've spent years searching for the reason I'm here, convinced that it was some career choice I hadn't discovered yet. I felt so completely lost, like I was just going through the motions. Waiting for this magical reason to one day appear. Until this week when I realised that I no longer had this empty space! I felt whole; the void in my life had been filled. My baby girl was what was missing! And I couldn't be happier or more excited about the rest of my life.

I always knew I would be a good mum but even I've been surprised at how natural it has all felt. I'd be lying if I said we haven't had hard days, of course we have but I haven't had any of the new mum jitters. I've never wondered if what I was doing was right, I knew it was. I feel confident within myself and know that I am always doing the best for my daughter. I love my new life! :)

*Dan and I wanted to buy something to celebrate Arias arrival that would last and become part of our home. So we bought a raspberry plant that each year will produce fruit around her birthday- hence the nickname we accidentally gave her. Raspberry :)

Lifebook Update

As Aria settles into a somewhat semi-predictable routine (of sorts) I am managing to get some painting done. Not a lot, but at least it's something. There is so much to do that when she finally does sleep I have to work out what my priority is. A lot of the time art comes last but I'm making an effort to try and get a few hours in a week minimum.

I have been working on some of the lessons from Lifebook that I missed and so far I have finished two that I wanted to share today.

This was a lesson by Tam and I love that I am practising something that still scares me...drawing faces. Specifically, girl faces (I have no interest at this point in drawing guys). I am really pleased with how it turned out, in fact I look at it again now and I can hardly believe I drew it. I love that feeling of surprising myself- never gets old!

This one was a lesson by Alena Hennessy and I felt like I half arsed it to be honest. Aria was being quite fidgety so I never got more than 10 minutes to sink my teeth into it before needing to tend to her. And I think it shows. It looks bitty and doesn't have much consistency or flow. I'd like to give this another go at some point. I also felt like I wanted to try different colour combo but I ended up not really digging that either. 

As Aria grows up and we find ourselves getting into more and more of a routine, I hope to be able to get longer stretches of work in but only time will tell. 

P.S. I will be doing a 7 week update on the blog soon about my little girl! :)

Rhiannon x

Aria at 3 weeks

Three weeks into motherhood and I'm feeling pretty much back to my pre-pregnant self. Definitely a testament to how well the birth went and what a good amount of bed rest can do for you. I am in no way rushing to get out every day, or get anything done around the house other than feed Aria and myself and have a shower. 

When people say becoming a parent changes you in the best way possible, they are right! They are also right when they say the first two weeks are hard. You will laugh, cry, feel anxious, feel confident, want to pull your hair out, and then cry a bit more. It's crazy what your body goes through after the birth and you just have to remember that it's all normal and that it will pass. 

So here I am now, Aria asleep in her rocker and a few free moments before she needs feeding again. She is the absolute love of my life and while some days (and nights) are really hard, and I question everything, I know that she's only this tiny once so I'm doing my best to savour every moment. Plus she likes to smile after she's given me a hard time and it makes my heart melt and I all in love all over again =)

<3

Welcome to the world Aria!

On the 20th Jan at 2.03pm our beautiful daughter, Arianna (Aria for short) Elizabeth Cox, arrived safely into the world. 12 days late but completely and utterly perfect.

So far I've found motherhood pretty amazing, and hard, and wonderful, and tiring, but more awesome than anything else ever. We are so smitten with this little girl and I can't really imagine what I did before her now (aside from maybe sleep haha). She has been a really good baby so far and is relatively easy to settle once we worked out what she liked and didn't like.

So since the lack of sleep is messing with my brain, today I'm just going to share a few photos    =)

 Rhiannon xxx